Quick, take this 10 minute survey to find your perfect mate~ 10 things that he/she does when you KNOW you have found the ‘one’~!

Sorry for the deception, since I don’t have a quiz. And no, I will not be making up some bull shit list of ‘items’ that the ‘one’ will do for you without you asking them to. Because quite frankly, it is propaganda. People spend tons of money hoping to help feed into this idea that there is the ‘one’. I am sorry, but you won’t find me peddling to get your money on some lame ass excuses and theories that may or may not work. There is no “the one”. But I may have some advice…
So here it is. I read in a book once that everyone has needs. Emotional, physical, mental, whatever. We all have needs, and then wants. We all do. And we need to sort out which items are Needs, and which are wants. But the problem is that when it comes to our needs, we are hoping that there is this mystical person who will fill all the needs without us even giving so much as a hint to what they are. That this person will know with our ‘subtle’ clues that we need a hug or a hand held for a moment, to fill our need for physical touch. Maybe I am just weird, but how would someone know if you want to hold their hand, unless you say something? It is like when a man is thirsty, and is upset that their spouse hasn’t somehow read their mind, and knew that they should get them a drink. You wouldn’t expect your pet to know when to get you a drink, why would you do this to your spouse, and then get upset when they ‘didn’t know’? Or a woman who got all fancied up, and then upset that her spouse didn’t know that they were supposed to go out and paint the town red? Did you call and ask them out, and made sure that they had time in their schedule? You did this when you were dating, before marriage, why would it be any different afterward?
Relationships are hard. And I am not a expert. They aren’t something that you will sit down and know everything that the other person needs immediately. There is going to be a lot of trial and error. And my best advice for knowing if they are ‘the one’ (which is still as far fetched as the easter bunny) is if they are willing to work with you! Not cheating, and go behind your back. Not making emotional connections with others, but willing to work with you. And although your needs may not be able to be meet by this individual, that also doesn’t mean that you should starve yourself. You should be able to provide for most of your own needs! You don’t need someone else to. If this is something that you crave, maybe you should invest not on these books on how to find the right one, but make yourself the right one. Make yourself happy, whole. Stop worrying about the world. Forge a relationship with yourself. Because in the end that is who really matters. Your own personal needs.
Demanding that someone else fills our needs/wants is why so many relationship become abusive, with a smudge of the person having abusive tendencies… Abusive relationships are terrible, and should not be allowed, but a lot of people are so worried about being alone, that they would rather get some of their needs met than to meet their own needs themselves. I have gone out and eaten by myself. I have wanted to go see a movie, that no one else wanted to see, and saw it by myself. Yes, I got ‘looks’ but I know it is because others are jealous of this ability that I have. I don’t need someone to make me whole. Because I am whole. Don’t misunderstand me, I am constantly working on my relationship with my spouse, and it is far from perfect. But that is our responsibility, and our relationship. Every relationship is different. You can’t hold up a cookie cutter and say, “Hey all relationships are suppose to be like this heart shaped sugar cookie!” Because then we will miss out on peanut butter cookies, chocolate chips and even snickerdoodles!
I don’t judge other’s relationships, because I don’t want people judging mine. That is also why I hardly give out advice about relationships too. But if you are happy, honestly, and are having your needs met, than you are more likely to be capable of meeting other’s needs, and surprise, they will reciprocate. This doesn’t mean that you won’t eventually get a divorce. Because yes, some relationships are draining, and it is important to remember who you are, and if a divorce is what you need, then do it. You shouldn’t be turning to the person next to you to meet these needs, this is something you should be able to handle on your own. You are enough, you are amazing. And should have enough confidence to be the awesome person you are. And take responsibility for yourself. Don’t harm another person, that isn’t ok. But work on yourself. Period. It will save you tons of money. Truly. Hopefully, this will be the best way for you to find a stable relationship, is to have one with yourself! 🙂IMG_2257[1]

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