Over this weekend I had an interesting discussion with one of my friends. This person I have known for over 9, almost 10 years. And the only way to explain it is to write out the discussion, and to start with, I will set the scene. I had just gotten into another issue in which, the person that I had called friend, decided, that even with differing opinions, that we would no longer be friends. I didn’t do anything, really, that should have upset them, expect for expressing my opinion, and this had warranted the friendship to become null and void, at least in their eyes. Nothing illegal occurred, nor was there any blatant name calling. I don’t even think there was any jealousy, because I felt none for them, although I can not say the same for them. I was still in shock that expressing my opinion would cause this matter. I felt I had done nothing to lose their trust, but apparently this opinion of mine was one worthy of their dismissal.
Me: “They say be true to yourself, and that you should express your opinion and be free, but if you do and the opinion differs from theirs, then they will drop you quicker than a bag of rotten tomatoes. I just don’t get it. I have lost a lot of friends recently because of this! What is up with that?”
Friend: “Well, making friends is like dating. You have the first encounter where you are instantly attracted to a person, that connection, if you will.”
Me: (giggling) “But I am not homosexual, and married… We are talking about moms here.”
Friend: “Doesn’t make them any less attractive, you are a prime example of this. They are still human, and can still be attractive. You, yourself, are a mom, and are quiet attractive.” (This, of course, caused an eye roll from me, but they continued) “You had to date a lot of folks in order to find your spouse. Same thing, it takes time, and trial and error. That’s what I am trying to say. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
It irritated me, but they were right. I was lucky with the whole marriage, dating part of my life. In less then a month after meeting my boyfriend, we were engaged, and then two months later, married. And we have been together ever since. Now, I am not saying that as a brag. No way. We have our issues, ALL THE TIME!! But we HAVE to forgive, compiled with a huge serving of humble pie and such. For the sake of our marriage, and the children that we have. If I was required to face these people whom I have been having issues with, and that we were forced to work together, I bet the outcome would have been different. I like to hope that would be the case anyway.
So maybe this sounds terrible, but I have my spouse, so I must wait a while longer to find a friend. That must be the issue. Friendships that I do have, I cherish. Maybe I need to learn a few lessons from my father “If you want to be my friend, you must make the effort… And I have enough friends, it isn’t worth the effort.”
Friendships are wonderful, yes, but forgiveness and humility are key parts of it. On both ends. Mine especially. And in the end, they may still not like me, but it isn’t worth changing who I am, to lose myself to make myself ‘attractive’ to another person. I am funny, helpful, and one who has a ‘bleeding heart’. That’s just part of who I am. Nothing will change that! 🙂 So if you can handle a stubborn, sarcastic woman, who loves cheesecake and ice cream, then it might be worth your time to befriend me!